Drum dynamics – please help!

About a year ago i decided i want to stop using pre made drum samples and instead make them myself from scratch.
so i bought superior drummer and began making breaks non stop, experimenting to achieve different styles of breaks.
i had alot of fun doing this and overall i was very happy with the drum sounds i was able to achieve.
i would then incorporate these sounds into a track, finish the track and then bounce it.
and for a while i was relatively happy with how they sounded.
but whenever i would test one of my tunes in a mix (dj mixing) my drums would sound extremely small and poppy compared to other big named artist.
(btw im not saying i little smaller I’m talking minuscule in comparison.)

so i began analysing other peoples drums and comparing the waveforms with my own using an oscilloscope (if anyone knows any good ones please let me know xD)
i would soon find out that my drums would have a very tall sharp peek with a quick drop off, unlike the professional drums which would be incredibly flat and almost square! with a much longer slope as the transient crosses over to the tail.

after researching i became to realise that these square(ish) waveforms were a result of chopping off those peaks and reducing the dynamic range so the tails of these drums where as noticeable in the mix as the transient. i understand that to an extent.

but my issue is with the process itself.
I’ve found that limiting, compression, distortion etc can help with what im trying to achieve.
but not without a compromise! (added distortion, hollow sounding drums etc.)
after countless hours of research and experimenting ive definitely been able to come a lot closer to having a much flatter transient but still keeping a nice punch and weight to my drums, but i just cant find a consistent method that i can use as a starting point and then tweak depending on the style of break I’m making.

recently ive been able to get close enough to the result i am after but only when making very big aggressive drums that can resemble billains style.or for a better example pendulums huge and very flat kind of style.

but i like my drums to have a bit more character to them.
i like them to be pitched up and tight with minimal low end.
but whenever i try to apply some of the techniques I’ve learned to this style of break i either cant push them far enough or they end up being destroyed and lose all of the texture and smoothness that i worked so hard to give them in the first place

any help into this issue would be appreciated hugely as ive looked into this so many times its insane!
its like people don’t want to talk about it but it seems like such an essential process as every track I’m hearing these days appear to be applying this unknown technique.
is it a conscious decision producers are making? or does it just occur without them realising during sound design as a result of all the plugins and techniques they use to achieve a neuro drum sound?
or is it something that would be handled by a mastering engineer?

sorry for making this such a long post but this issue has been absolutely plaguing my production for a while now. I’m not looking for any quick fixes I’m just trying to get some more insight.
i can hardly find any information regarding this (and if i can it tends to be a much more subtle effect than the extreme squashing I’m looking for.)

please and thank you to anyone who gets involved in this post.
any info would be greatly GREATLY appreciated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!